Photoshop Rules!

Torn paper? Water damage? Bah!
 Photoshop to the rescue!  

Before:

...and following a few hours of eye strain...  

After:

I Drop My Name Into the Presidential Biographies

Have you seen this?
"Obama Drops His Name Into the Other Presidential Biographies"

I consider this a personal challenge. 

The question before us is this: Can I "out-stupid" our chief executive without resorting to fiction or creating composite characters?  This is going to be tough... He's set the bar awfully low – I'm no expert Limbo dancer after all – but given the number of stupid things I've done (and I'm including attitudes I've held, or misinformation I've allowed myself to believe), I think I might be up to the task.  But remember; I'm only going to use true facts (or as honest as possible "best recollections") to tell my side of the story, so please try not to judge too harshly.

The main bullet points are from the official Presidential biographies available via www.whitehouse.gov.  My additions should be obvious.

• On Feb. 22, 1924 Calvin Coolidge became the first president to make a public radio address to the American people. President Coolidge later helped create the Federal Radio Commission, which has now evolved to become the Federal Communications Commission (FCC).   President Obama became the first president to hold virtual gatherings and town halls using Twitter, Facebook, Google+, LinkedIn, etc.
• I posted my very first Tweet on Twitter last night, May 15, 2012, despite having had an account there for months.  It also took me a couple of posts to get the hang of how hash tags are used, and lots of rewording to fit the character limit.  All this after gently mocking my father's utter lack of technical ability in the eulogy I gave at his funeral a year ago. @DepartmentOfNo
• President Herbert Hoover signed the bill founding the Department of Veterans Affairs July 21, 1930. President Obama is committed to making sure that the VA, the second-largest cabinet department, serves the needs of all veterans and provides a seamless transition from active duty to civilian life, and has directed his Administration to modernize the way health care is delivered and benefits are administered for our nation's veterans.  First Lady Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden launched Joining Forces to mobilize all sectors of society to give our service members and their families the opportunities and support they have earned.
• I had an aunt who passed away not long ago (a couple of years at the most), who was a World War I veteran. I'm pretty sure she was 103 when she died – although she might have been 107 – and I'm sad to say I never got around to visiting her in the last decade or so of her life. I'm proud of her. I wish I'd taken the time to know her better, and to learn from her. Stupid of me not to. (Sigh...) Hindsight!!!
• On August 14, 1935, President Roosevelt signed the Social Security Act. Today the Obama Administration continues to protect seniors and ensure Social Security will be there for future generations.
• About four or five years ago (I've honestly scabbed over the memory of how long it has been), we moved my mother-in-law down from New Jersey to live with us in Texas. I'll leave it to the readers, if I have any, to decide if that was stupid or not. (I'm hearing Grampa Simpson say "A little from Column A, a little from Column B...") Regardless, she's great to have around, fun to argue with, wonderful with our daughters, and I'd say more except she'd see through my obvious attempt to suck up to her on this, her 80th birthday.  Happy Birthday, Grandma!
• In a 1946 letter to the National Urban League, President Truman wrote that the government has "an obligation to see that the civil rights of every citizen are fully and equally protected.” He ended racial segregation in civil service and the armed forces in 1948. Today the Obama Administration continues to strive toward upholding the civil rights of its citizens, repealing  Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, allowing people of all sexual orientations to serve openly in our armed forces. Source: Harry S. Truman Library and Museum
• OK this one is going to be difficult... not only because I've never been racist – I'm not stupid THAT way – but also because I think it idiotic to equate the civil rights struggles that ended racial segregation with the various struggles the gay community has today.  I need to tread somewhat lightly here, lest I end up adding this very post to my personal "stupid list", but it seems to me that no matter where you stand on gay issues, discrimination that is based on behavior is a different matter entirely than discrimination based on genetic makeup (and I'll include gender in this). You may be opposed to both types of discrimination, or like a huge section of the population you may be opposed to one and ok (or somewhat ok) with the other, or you may be a miserable throw-back creep who is "pro-chains-and-closets" all the way around. I'm not going to turn this bullet point into its own long (longer) diatribe on the subject. Suffice to say that in my youth I was very, very anti-gay. However, God apparently saw fit to humanize me, so now I have friends, coworkers, and relatives who are gay, whom I just love and adore. That doesn't make me "pro-a-behavior-that-I-think-is-wrong/not-healthy/not-the-best", but it does make it fairly inconsequential. If someone were to get in my face about it – which never happens – my canned but heartfelt reply would be "Hey! You're gay, I'm fat, I'm not really wild about either situation, and I can't be 'not-fat' without drastic lifestyle changes, or for that matter in the near future at all. A sudden change is off the table. Can we move on? Next question?"
• President Dwight Eisenhower established the President's Council on Youth Fitness on July 16, 1956 (now known as The President's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports) after learning from a study that American youth were less fit than European youth. Today the Council is still going strong—with Olympians and professional athletes on board—working in conjunction with the First Lady Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move initiative to help promote healthier lifestyles.
• I hated compulsory PE my entire scholastic career – especially in college (how the BLEEP can that be a college requirement???), and even when I was co-captain of my high school wrestling team my senior year (I was our school's first four-year wrestler), my unsportsmanlike conduct during our first-ever "Home" meet resulted in me having to apologize to the entire opposing team, in their locker room, after a match I won handily.  In hindsight, a little more physical discipline and a lot less attitude would have been very beneficial because, as I've mentioned above, I'm now overweight.
  
• It was a heck of a match though! You should have seen it!  Even though I ended up being the "bad guy", I still love to tell that story. I don't think it would make a good blog post however – the physical semantics are half the story.  If I could get a young stand-in to reenact the match... hey, wait a minute... I'm thinking that would make a pretty good climactic scene in a movie, provided no one minds the protagonist acting like a total jerk...
• President John F. Kennedy famously suggested the American people: “Ask what you can do for your country.” In 1961, the Peace Corps was created, facilitating service among citizens working toward peace in developing countries. In 2011, President Obama celebrated the 50th anniversary of the Peace Corps with a Presidential Proclamation.
• I celebrate things all the time, except I've never actually celebrated the Peace Corps specifically (although I can pronounce their name correctly). Like President Kennedy, I'm always asking myself what I – or anyone – can do for our country (other than the obvious answer involving the election), but unlike Kennedy, I keep coming up blank.
• President Lyndon Johnson signed Medicare signed (sic!) into law in 1965—providing millions of elderly healthcare stability. President Obama’s historic health care reform law, the Affordable Care Act, strengthens Medicare, offers eligible seniors a range of preventive services with no cost-sharing, and provides discounts on drugs when in the coverage gap known as the “donut hole.”
• OK, I don't know if I can out-stupid the President on this one. I don't go around over-reaching the Constitution, or trying to implement socialist policies, and in fact when Obamacare was passed I was out of state, busy adopting my younger daughter, which was a GREAT decision by the way.  I'm yielding on this one, and I'm not too fond of LBJ's activities either.
• In 1973, Richard Nixon created The President’s Export Council, which was expanded and reconstituted under President Jimmy Carter in 1979. Today the PEC continues to work towards reaching President Obama’s goal of doubling the nation’s exports by 2014’s end.
• In 1991 a buddy of mine and I entered into negotiations with the Japanese Exchange Trade Organization (JETRO), regarding our desire and intent to import custom parts of an invention we'd jointly developed.  Sadly, neither of us could negotiate (or afford) our way through the Patent maze at the time, and within a few years someone else had patented the idea. Oh well, live and learn. Or at least live.
• If I do say so myself, I'm something of a whiz at Photoshop. However, my free-hand artistic skills are pretty much non-existent.  That said, sometime during Gerald R Ford's administration, 1974 to 1977, I one day – just out of the blue – suddenly drew the best free-hand drawing of my entire life, on a chalkboard I had mounted in my bedroom. First let me answer the obvious question of "Why was there a chalkboard in my bedroom?" Because my handwriting was that bad, and I needed the practice.  The practice didn't help – my handwriting is still that bad. Anyways, my best free-hand artistic effort just cut loose one day and low and behold there appeared almost as if by magic not only a drawing, but an actual portrait.  Of Gerald R Ford. I still have no idea why.  Don't get me wrong, I liked Ford. But I didn't idolize him, so "Why him?" is probably a question that will remain unanswered this side of Glory.  But, unlike our President, at least I have a "Gerald R Ford" story to tell, and as far as stories go, it is kind of stupid.
• In 1977, President Jimmy Carter  created the Department of Energy; today the DOE works with the Obama Administration to drive towards innovation in energy and reducing reliance on foreign oil with an “all of the above” approach.
• Once again I'm going to have to yield on being able to out-stupid the President.  There's nothing I've done having anything at all to do with energy, or oil and gas, that can compare to the stupidity of the DOE or the current administration, and I say that as someone who as a young man burned up four engines in two vehicles by being too stupid to understand the basic concept of "oil change", PLUS having been electrocuted (or at least badly shocked) on many occasions, including one which sent me flying across a warehouse to land dazed and staring at the ceiling. Everything tasted like copper for days, and NO, I hadn't bitten into a power line.
• President Reagan designated Martin Luther King Jr. Day a national holiday; today the Obama Administration honors this tradition, with the First and Second Families participating in service projects on this day.
In a June 28, 1985 speech Reagan called for a fairer tax code, one where a multi-millionaire did not have a lower tax rate than his secretary. Today, President Obama is calling for the same with the Buffett Rule. 
• I call for a Regressive income tax code, wherein the government awards and promotes success by instituting the "more you earn, the higher percentage you get to keep" rule.  If we're going to have an income tax, and it isn't a flat tax, I think this system would be the best option.  However, even I recognize that as a political position it would be stupid. Sad but true.
• President Barack Obama awarded George H.W. Bush the 2010 Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation’s highest civilian honor, for his commitment to service and ability to inspire volunteerism throughout the country, encouraging citizens to be “a thousand points of light.” The administration continues to promote service and civic engagement, honoring heroes of local communities as “Champions of Change” and fostering civic participation.
• Ages and ages ago I used to volunteer and teach remedial English and Math at an organization that had been designated as one of the "thousand points of light". Granted, there's nothing stupid about that on my part, but it is getting very hard to "one down" this President so at the moment I'm just aiming for "tangentially related".
• Continuing his work as a lifelong public service, Clinton created the Clinton Foundation in 2001 to improve global health, education, economies and environments. Affectionately calling him “Do-Gooder-in-Chief”, President Obama has worked with Clinton to make buildings in our country more efficient—announcing a $4 billion investment in energy efficiency upgrades for commercial buildings.
In 2009, former President Clinton partnered with 43rd President Bush to help rebuild Haiti, after the country was devastated by an earthquake.
• Sometime in the mid-90's I drove 120mph through Hope, Arkansas, in fact pretty much through ALL of Arkansas, on I-30 because I was just that impatient to get to Nashville. Had I been caught, they'd have thrown me into jail. Now THAT'S stupid!
• In 2002, President George W. Bush’s State of the Union was the first to be live broadcast on the Internet. In 2011 and 2012, President Obama’s State of the Union speeches were available in an enhanced live stream version that featured infographics, charts and data side-by-side in real time with the President’s speech.
In 2009, former President Bush partnered with 42nd President Clinton to help rebuild Haiti, after the country was devastated by an earthquake.
• I just recently started my own blog (psssst! look around - I'm referring to this one!), thanks to the kind arm-twisting of Harvey at imao.us, and as you can see there are not only just a very few posts at present, but also their quality varies wildly!

OK, so who won?

The Parable of the Talents, 2012

I'm a bit belated getting this up here, but thanks again to Harvey at imao.us, this time for posting my thoughts on an updated, non-biblical (let's be clear about that), version of the Parable of the Talents.


That post is located here:  The Parable of the Talents: 2012 Version

The Zombie Apocalypse is the Best Case Scenario

Yet again, Hollywood has gotten it all wrong.  There is now an entire cinematic genre based on a complete misconception:  A "Zombie Apocalypse" is not a worst-case scenario. In fact as far as Apocalypses go, it should be considered the Best Case Scenario.

Let me explain, but first let’s make it clear that we’re talking about actual ZOMBIES.  The walking, brain-hungry, contagious corpses. For the purposes of this discussion they could, however, be either the traditional “slow shuffling” or the new Mark II “sprinting” zombies – that aspect doesn’t matter.

There is a certain strategic moral clarity involved when fighting the “undead” that you don’t get when combating other types of eldritch creatures.  For example, it is always emotionally painful to kill a werewolf because you know that when the lycanthropic fit has passed, or when they approach room temperature, they will go back to being the local grocer, the kid down the block, or your girlfriend, so as difficult as such activities may be, trapping, caging, and quarantining are almost always better options.

Even if you add vampires into the mix, so that “hiding” becomes the only available course of action, given enough garlic, silver, and bright lights (and here I need to ask you to try not to think about skyrocketing grocery produce and metal prices, or of the plan to ban incandescent bulbs, and just make an effort to focus on the narrative) you can usually render yourself secure against the creatures of the night.

But with zombies you have no such concerns.  If zombies are on the loose, and you find yourself at a decent vantage point with a high-powered rifle, not even the preachiest starch-collared moralist will look down their nose at you for engaging in some much-needed target practice.  If you’ve got some buddies around, you could even make a game of it, and in fact that’s so obvious that it is a recurring cinematic meme often used for entertaining and action-packed screen-filler before the required 60-minute plot-twist mark is reached.  But even though they spend millions of dollars filming such scenes, and seem to have a great time doing so, they still miss the big liberating point: In no other type of Apocalypse can you do that!

What They Would Label The Act of Randomly Shooting Approaching Entities, by Apocalypse Type:
Type of Apocalypse	Label
Obamacare Death Panel Appointee Infestation	Murder, with fierce debate over whether "justified" or not, depending on the State in which it occurred.
Tyrannical Government Instituting Stalinistic Measures Other Than Obamacare	Murder - most likely followed quickly with "Suicide by Cop".
Biker Gang	Either Homicide, Manslaughter, or Self-Defense, depending on the prosecutor. Not that it matters, since - like most of the "good-guys-who-aren't-Mel-Gibson" characters in "Road Warrior" - you probably won't be alive for there to be a trial.
Invading Foreign Military	Short-lived Foolishness
Robot/Terminator	Short-lived Foolishness.  Resisting our robotic overlords by other means is fine, and in fact required, but just randomly plinking away at them from on high is a useless waste of ammunition and doesn't take into consideration their ubiquitous close air support or ability to triangulate both echoes and ballistic paths within microseconds. A better option would be to locate and reprogram Summer Glau.
Space Alien	Short-lived Foolishness, because this is essentially "Invading Foreign Military" with technology and armor that likely surpasses the robots.
Mutant Intelligent Ape	Yay! Oh I mean, uh, Short-lived Foolishness. It has been pointed out that, excepting an Obamacare scenario, a line needs to be drawn between an "Infestation" and an "Apocalypse".  In an infestation such an act would be viewed more along the lines of shooting Zombies in terms of general appreciation by your fellow humans.  But given that the adjective "Intelligent" is in the name for a reason, in an Apocalyptic scenario they would essentially be indistinguishable from an Invading Foreign Military, except for the delightful smell.
Lycanthropic	Murder - and rather difficult to explain to skeptical police come the dawn. However, it does leave the door open for an insanity plea.
Rage Virus	Depending on whether the government has or hasn't fallen, and if still extant then whether or not it is working on developing a treatment, this could range anywhere from Self-Defense to Murder. In an Interregnum they should be considered akin to smart, fast, strong, cooperative, vengeful, rabid, and extremely angry Zombies with a chip on their collective shoulders against all of Creation.  Engaging them simply for target practice would be Foolishness, although its duration (short-lived versus prolonged) would likely be determined on a per-mêlée basis.
Reaver	Unless you just happen to be Summer Glau, this is Short-lived Foolishness, and Not At All Shiny. Behaviorally, Reavers can be considered akin to "Lycanthropes without an off switch", or  "Rage Virus Patients in Space" who have retained both their mechanical skills and ability to strategize. People encountering Reavers can expect to be raped to death, have their flesh eaten, and their skin sewn into the Reavers’ clothing, and according to reliable sources if someone is very lucky they'll do it in that order.  Given Reavers' preference for "hit and run" tactics, both hiding and fleeing have proven to be very successful survival strategies, thus the label "Short-lived Foolishness" is deserved.
Demonic	Even Shorter-lived Foolishness
Angelic	The Shortest-lived Foolishness, as well as The Stupidest and Most Vain Activity Imaginable
Zombie	Fun and Productive! Engenders bountiful praise from, and increases potential mating opportunities with, fellow survivors.

Lest one forget:

• There are no Zombie policemen, National Guardsmen, or Soldiers.
• There are no Zombie suicide bombers.
  Bonus question: If there were, could you still call them “suicide” bombers?  Really? Explain.
• Zombies don’t lead Personality Cults.
• There will be no elections between living and Zombie candidates where the living ones squabble so much they split their base and end up getting the Zombie elected.
• A significant percentage of the population will not be persuaded that “even though they’re not really in favor of them”, the Zombie’s policies and agenda are tolerable “for the duration of the crisis”.
• Although they’re certainly hungry, Zombies do not confiscate, much less redistribute, food.
• None of your neighbors will be co-opted into a secret police looking to rat you out to the Zombies.
• Zombies do not create websites with creepy slide shows extolling the virtues of living under their rule.
• Zombies don’t gather and maintain databases of your personal, commercial, or medical information.
• Zombies, ironically, don’t impose gun-control laws.
• Under no circumstance would Zombies ever be put in charge of the Fed, although now that I think about it, that’s kind of sad because it would HAVE to be an improvement, and besides – no Zombie is either stupid or evil enough to ever try to monetize the national debt.  I guess nothing’s perfect.

CLEARLY, if you’re going to have an Apocalypse, and you have a choice, choose “Zombie”!

Habitat Expansion Infrastructure Arrives, Part 1

Since the gang likes a great deal more than just the "all bananas, all the time" diet, our recent team expansion threw into sharp relief the need to kick our aquaponics project into high gear.

While the tilapia are doing fine, as are the crayfish when not busy trying to kill each other, we still don't have enough of either to satisfy the truly breathtaking appetites our growing cadre of varied Praefulgidopithecii display. Even if we waited until harvest to start on the road to self-sufficiency, if we desire to have anything left after Thanksgiving it's obvious we're going to have to expand our agricultural and aquacultural efforts considerably.

To that end, I was thrilled beyond measure to have just been gifted with 19 additional 275-gallon IBC Totes, the first installment of which were delivered yesterday.

You should have heard the racket! The Sparkling Howlers were doing their best Banshee (from X-Men) impersonations, and the Callithrixii Micans just would not cease chattering away like angry squirrels. Of course, they do that all the time anyways, so it takes a practiced ear to detect the enthusiasm, but believe me - it was there. Our HOA hates me, by the way.

There were two unpleasant surprises. When the first five tanks arrived it became obvious that not only had they apparently been used for holding highway-striping paint, but also that none of them were completely empty!
 

So I've got a bit of a clean-out job ahead of me, and I have no idea what I'm going to do with, or where to dispose of, all this old highway paint.  Also, if you're wondering if the presence of a large group of atomic monkeys wanting to help out is a good thing, the answer is "no".

Or at least "mostly no". The Orcicircumlucens did take a break from trying to dominate each other to help me heave the tanks over the fence, which was something I don't think I could manage alone.

Sometimes just trimming the fat isn't enough

Thanks again to Harvey at imao.us for airing my thoughts regarding what we should do about the monster in Washington D.C.

That post is located here:  The Best Way to Trim the Fat From Government Spending

My Presidential Address to a Special Joint Session of Congress Regarding the Federal Budget

Many thanks to Harvey at imao.us for posting this long rant of mine here:
Any President Who Gave This Speech Would Win In a Landslide

Wisdom from My Father

My father passed away just over a year ago, in April of 2011.  This post is an adaptation from the eulogy I stumbled through during his memorial service.

----------

It is impossible to sum my father up in the space of a normal blog post – or even the lengthy “normal” that passes as normal for me, and if I started with "how can I do this, where shall I start?" I'd sound like I was complaining, which would be wholly inappropriate.

I've realized that I don't know what his favorite saying was, unless it was his favorite Bible verse (II Corinthians 5:17). Don't get me wrong, he certainly had some well-worn sayings, like "Please Don't Eat the Daisies" (that's a Doris Day reference by the way) but I don't think I can call that a “favorite saying” given that I know he would have absolutely loved to have never had an occasion to say it.

What was his dominate characteristic?  Was it love?  Was it honesty?  Was it his devotion to the disabled?  Was it his expansive acceptance of others, or his ability to exhort anyone towards success?  Maybe. He had those traits in spades, but underneath it all I think there was something else, something primal, and by that I mean something I believe God built into him from the start, long before he ever came to know Christ.

Persistence.  Tenacious persistence.  A dogged determination to pursue what was right and to slog through to his goal regardless the opposition. 

I’ve come to realize that if you don't do something in life for a long, long time, you often forget how. I think that might be one of the possible ramifications of the “Parable of the Talents”, but even if not – it still seems true. Like everyone else, Dad occasionally failed at something - it was very rare, but it did happen, and he considered that a crucial part of the learning process - but I honestly think he forgot how to quit long ago.  That is, of course, if he ever knew.  He couldn't quit. Quitting did not seem to tempt him.  I'm not sure he even understood why people would quit because taking the easy road or the easy way out held no appeal for him.

When I was a child, my father told me about Winston Churchill's famous "Never give in" speech, although he had heard it as, and relayed it to me as, "Never give up." He was emphatic about not quitting.

When I first watched the movie "The Terminator", in the part where the character Reese in describing the cyborg says in part "...and it absolutely will not stop, ever!!!" I thought "Funny, I didn't realize they consulted my dad on the system requirements". 

He never quit. He didn't quit on his marriage, his kids, his extended family, or his friends.  He even didn't quit on MY friends. Although I expect most might not want to admit it (although some readily would), in the long run the thing that benefited a number of my friends the most from knowing me was in fact getting the opportunity to know my father. And he never quit on them. He could always be counted on.

Don’t get me wrong - he knew how to play by the rules (he was an outstanding lawyer after all), so he was not one to keep moving the ball down the field once the final whistle had blown, and we can all be mighty thankful for that because otherwise I'm sure he'd still be haunting us to this day. Please forgive my off-color sense of humor, but can you imagine a greater danger than a Churchillian Zombie Charley?  How could you ever get away? "Quick! We can probably make it to the roof!" "No, he would have already thought of that, in fact – in fact – well surely he’s already gotten the building's architectural plans from his staff!" “You’re right, and don’t call me Shirley!”

Aside from those foes normally encountered in the Christian walk, I think God gave Dad some special adversaries. Ones that kept him sharp, ones he could defeat time and time again.  In fact, I think the argument can be made that God put Dad on Earth to wage battle with two unique foes - the IRS, on behalf of his clients, and Murphy's Law, on behalf of everyone.  He was always considering the ramifications of a given course of action.  Somehow - and I don't know how - he didn't seem to get bogged down in "analysis paralysis", perhaps because of the speed at which his mind worked.  But he was always full of advice.  And I don't mean the "gosh I wish he'd stop with the nosey intrusions into my business" type of advice.  No, I mean the "Whew! He just stopped me from walking off a cliff I didn't even know was there!" type of advice.

He was singularly insightful in areas that mattered to him.  Of course, you could baffle him with technology - he was generations behind even his peers and this didn't distress him. He went to his grave happily never having had a Facebook page. But he was ahead of the game on some things, and on more than one occasion he changed my entire life with a sentence. Let me share a couple with you...

When Ted Turner outraged a bunch of people, myself at least temporarily included, by saying "Christianity is for losers", Dad said "He's right. Good thing too. Pity he doesn't realize what losers all we humans are."

When Madonna (of whom I was a bit surprised my Dad was even aware) was doing her outrageous stage act featuring her own crucifixion, and several religious groups were freaking out in the media, Dad's totally untroubled response was pretty much "Well, I don't expect people who don't share my beliefs to act like they do."

When I was angry at some media figure, and I don't remember who, for some seeming blasphemy, Dad admonished me saying "Why are you getting all worked up over this? God's big enough to handle the insult if he wishes, and why in the world would you expect the Lost to act like anything other than lost?"

He didn't say this arrogantly. “Lost” was not an insult coming out of his mouth. It was a status – a factual state of being. He knew very well that he didn't earn his own salvation, that neither he nor I were any better than "the Lost". But we did by grace of God know something they didn't.  So why get angry at them for their ignorance? Was it their own fault that they didn't know what they didn't know?  This was a lesson I'm fairly certain I would never have figured out on my own. Ever.

So among my father's many lessons to me that he demonstrated consistently and without fail I will sum up with these: Love people for who they are, where they are, and never give up.  It should go without saying but I'm going to say it anyways, you can do none of these - and Dad knew this - unless Christ is your strength and you do it ultimately for him.

The Atomic Monkey Action Squad is on the loose!

A dark and shadowy figure, looking suspiciously like Harvey from imao.us, kept twisting until the lock on the cage broke.  There wasn't all that much twisting, but then again it wasn't much of a lock either.

So the Atomic Monkey Action Squad is out and on the loose, and already people are objecting, saying "wait a minute, there seems to be an awful lot of apes involved... what are you, some kind of Conservatard who doesn't know the difference between a Monkey and an Ape?

Well, let me just ask all of you diversity-obsessed speciesists; Do you have to be an American to work for the American Telephone and Telegraph corporation? Or for American Airlines? Did you have to be one of the mer-folk in order to work for Pacific Bell? Or do you have to be a bi-valve in order to work for Shell?

No! So enough of this silly talk.

"Atomic Monkey Action Squad" is our NAME, but we're proud that we hire based on merit alone. OK, merit, and personal appeal. Or bribery. Whatever! But the point is we're not just blindly speciesist.

Thank you. You are now free to go about your day.