Friday, January 11, 2013

My Posts at Nuking Politics

Well, at least most of them to date:

Since like many in the conservative blogosphere I’m considering running for President of these United States in 2016, I thought it might be advantageous to start making my positions on various important topics clear. So let’s start with Diplomacy!  And where would our diplomatic efforts be without that ever-present sandy migraine known as Saudi Arabia?

The Accomplishment Reevaluation Letdown Therapeutic Centre
Have you ever done something that made you really feel good about yourself, only to later take a close look and realize it wasn’t really such a great accomplishment after all? Maybe even to the degree where you kinda felt like an idiot?  We at the Accomplishment Reevaluation Letdown Therapeutic Centre can help!

My Proposed Constitutional Amendments
Here are a few new Constitutional Amendments I would like to see:
  • The Taxation Legislation Expiration Requirement Amendment
  • The Federal Commerce Regulatory Authority Amendment
  • The Tax Injunction Amendment

Definitely Not Lollipop Chainsaw
Not even a blind psychotic would mistake me for Juliet Starling. In fact, I'm only aware of the character because I know who Jessica Nigri is.  Said psychotic would have to be both blind and deaf in order to confuse us - or, perhaps, a federal bureaucrat.

Snow Meister
Hold on tight - I can already tell this one's going to ramble...

Into the Light
…whenever I think of Obamacare, it reminds me of those Tubifex worms found in that North Carolina Sewer…[snip]   I see something like that and my first thought is to wish for a laser while reaching for a flamethrower, and I found I feel much the same way about those hideous worm clusters. …[snip]   So I asked myself: How can we shine the light of the Bill of Rights onto Congress? …[snip]   I’m also willing to predict that Liberals will have much the same reaction to sunlight filtered through the Bill of Rights as vampires do to unfiltered sunlight so, you know, “win-win”.

The God of One Dimension
… The Left, personified and taken as a whole, reminds me of the Monarch of Pointland, except that even that deluded creature, being alone, had no one to be a vampiric parasite upon, which the actual Left requires – even if eventually only in a cannibalistic sense.

T’was the night before Ransom
T'was the night before ransom, and all through his mind,
A panic was tromping, no rest would he find.
Though the vans of ward heelers were all prepped to drive,
The Kleptarch, in darkness, fought to survive.

The Post-Cognitive Convulsive Reflex Test – Part 1
When Lieutenant Robert Maynard (and crew) killed Blackbeard, Edward Teach, in ferocious hand-to-hand combat, he cut off the famous pirate’s head and hung it from the prow of his ship as proof of his claim on the reward.  Maynard’s crew dumped Blackbeard’s body overboard. No, this is not a Disney movie review – this is one of many ways that good and dangerous men, fighting on the side of the law, properly celebrate victory. Or at least they used to.  Can you think of such a thing being allowed today?

The Post-Cognitive Convulsive Reflex Test – Part 2
As I mentioned in Part 1 of this series, we have a problem here in the United States with our citizens having difficulty understanding not so much “why” people around the world hate us, but even that they actually do.

Life in Orbit
We touched down deep in the Eastern Tamanrasset, struggling to stay under the radar at Tiska.  No easy task that.  We smoked scorpion tails and drank frogs with the locals, and when we could touch down once again, and remember the mission, we gave away our gifts and struck out north towards the Illizi, guided by specks of surviving life marking a deep aquifer fed by the distant Djanet, far across the electrified sand.  And by GPS, of course. We weren't total savages.